How To Heal Anger

By Jon Terrell, M.A.

You can heal anger rather than just trying to control or manage it. We offer a different, approach to working with  anger. It's not about anger management or working around it with your thoughts. Healing anger is not about mentally adjusting ourselves or thinking it through...it's not about thoughts at all as anger is a feeling.

Our method is to transform anger from a destructive feeling to a healing force for good.

Out of control anger is a symptom of deeper issues, but the way out is not to avoid it or manipulate it. A better approach is to learn healthy ways expressing your anger feelings before you get caught in situations where you are out of control.

Suppressed Anger

We are taught  at a very young age to suppress our anger because anger is such a powerful emotion that can cause damage. But we need anger to survive in life! Without anger we can't stand up for ourselves and move forward in our lives. Without anger we can be manipulated and harmed by others. Babies express anger from a very young age because it is a natural and essential part of our nature.

Yet the anger we are most familiar with is raw anger that has been suppressed for a long time so that it is harmful. We may have seen this powerful anger in others or felt in ourselves. We may have been controlled by other people's anger, maybe a parent or someone who has gained power over us because of their misuse of anger. If that is the case we must learn to reclaim our power that was stolen by them so that we don't remain a victim.

As a child most of us are taught to suppress anger and other uncomfortable feelings. We are yelled at and even shamed if we express our anger. We are taught that anger is bad....and it is true that out of control anger causes damage, and can even kill.  

But the alternative that we learn is not healthy in the long run. If we learn to just suppress it, anger will find ways to express and come out anyway, usually when we least want it to. It may come out sideways, as hostility, resentment, sarcasm or irritability. Or it may burst out as violent behavior.

You may know people who express these versions of anger. Or you may have those feelings yourself. But you can learn to clear out suppressed and repressed anger and you will feel not only lighter and clearer, but you won't have a need to use those forms of expression. You will be clearer and more direct with your needs.

What Is Healthy Anger?

Healthy anger says "NO!."  It says "Stop." It doesn't need to yell or scream at all because it is full bodied and powerful. It has the authority of your whole nature. It is healthy and appropriate response when things are not right.

Healthy anger is very different from most people's anger, which comes rushing up because it has been so suppressed. The problem with this raw anger is that because it is suppressed it grows in power and causes us pain inside us,  Suppressed anger is like a pressure cooker that builds and builds and they finally explodes.

We tense up trying to hold it back and keep it down. This tension is often only released with a big outburst of anger towards someone, or towards ourselves.

You can learn how to express healthy anger, but first you must transform the suppressed anger that you have stuffed down, to take the pressure off of you.

That is the work of our  emotional healing retreats that focus on anger and other difficult feelings.

Anger Is a Big Emotion That Wants To Express

The key to our retreats is to create a safe supportive environment to take the lid off of our stuffed down feelings. For many people the biggest emotion to deal with first is anger. 

Why? Because anger is such a big emotion we are taught from an early age to suppress it, to push it down into our bodies, below our ordinary awareness. Even though we become less aware of it this way, it is still there.  That causes several problems:

  • It takes energy to push our feelings down and so we have less energy for day to day functioning.  This can lead to being tired and even depressed
  • We feel tense and our muscles tighten. We push anger into our body by tightening the muscles in our neck, shoulders, chest and abdomen. This is bad for our health and takes more energy away from being present and loving.
  • Not only is it tiring, but the tension is right there, ready to be triggered by a new circumstance. As we suppress our anger more and more, our triggers for anger multiply because we are not dealing with our anger, we are trying to control it. That doesn't work for the long term as our bodies want to release the tension by expressing it!

A Healthy Way To Heal Anger

Our retreats help people heal anger and other uncomfortable feeling. As anger is released,  we make a remarkable, amazing and life healing discovery.

We discover that anger is our friend and a healthy emotion, when it is not suppressed and turned against life. It is actually essential to our lives, It is life giving, rather than harmful. This is exactly the opposite of the way anger is portrayed, 

Suppressed and repressed anger is destructive and can cause harm, even death. Wars can come about because of out of control anger, and many people, including you and me may have caused damage and pain due to expressing the harsh fire of suppressed anger. We can learn to heal anger instead of avoiding it.

The Gifts Of Anger

If instead of controlling anger we learn healthy ways of expressing it, we discover the gifts of anger. Anger is passionate, direct, focused and alive.

  • Focused. People who have done their anger work are able to be focused and clear. In other words if you find yourself lacking focus or direction or unable to clearly communicate your needs and wants, you may need to do anger work.
  • Decisive. If you have trouble making decisions you may need to heal suppressed anger. Healthy anger is grounded and decisive.
  • Passionate. People who have done their anger work have reclaimed a lot of their life force. They are more fully alive and passionate about what they are focused on, in their lives and in their relationships.  This includes being more alive sexually.

Heal Anger--More Information

We offer about 8 retreats a year that help people heal anger and other emotions. The main retreat is called Working Through Grief, Loss and Difficult Emotions, and although "anger" is not in the title, many of the participants get in touch with their suppressed anger and learn to integrate the power of heathy anger into their lives. If you are interested in our approach to heal anger, or have any questions, use the form below.

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