Grief Pain

The Little Losses Deplete Us

By Jon Terrell, M.A.

Many of us carry around a backlog of emotional pain from the past. These lIttle losses weigh us down when we ignore them, as they accumulate over time. The unfinished grief pain crowds our present moment awareness and depletes us. We end up less aware of the world around us, and less able to feel fully alive and present. Unresolved grief weighs us down and keeps us from living fully, with love, joy, and enthusiasm.   

When we have a sudden loss of a loved one, our grief pain can be intense and overwhelming. People often attend our retreats to help them work through this searing pain. If you have had a sudden loss, go to this page which is gateway to many of the pages I've written about grief. 

Grief Pain - Weighed Down By The Past   

But the pain I'm writing about today is different from that... It's the result of accumulated losses that gradually weigh us down and deplete our resources.    

We often ignore, avoid, and bury this grief and pain, not realizing we are also burying parts of ourselves. Here are some examples of losses we may have stepped over and not healed from: 

- loss of relationships--such as when friends moved away, or relationships ended 
- loss of our childhood, loss of our dreams 
- job losses
- loss of our youth, physical strength or mental sharpness 
- loss of a pet, favorite place, teacher or mentor, etc.  

When we don't open up to and face the uncomfortable grief, pain, and feelings that arise in these situations, we are diminished a little bit each time.  We lose a part of our aliveness and love. Our hearts harden.    

These unacknowledged losses take their toll. They pile one on top of another, building up like a wall of insulation, of numbness.  

What are some of the ways our lives are diminished by this grief pain? In addition to a loss of enthusiasm and present moment awareness (because so much of our life energy and awareness is stuck in the unresolved issues), we can experience:

- disappointment and depression
- disillusionment
- feeling shut down, withdrawn from life, depressed, isolated
- guilt 
- addictive behaviors
- anxiety, worry
- helplessness
- loss of confidence

Many of us spend a lot of time trying to avoid these uncomfortable experiences of grief pain. We try to transcend, distract ourselves, or avoid these feelings through TV, the internet, vacations, medications, etc.; even meditation can be a way of avoiding.    

But until we deal with these feelings, they remain unresolved, like hungry ghosts eating away at us.   

Emotional Healing Retreats For Old Unresolved Grief Pain

At our Grief and Loss Retreats and Breaking Free Retreats, participants come together to support one another. We turn towards and embrace old sadness and hurts, big and small, that are deadening our hearts and lives.

Rather than continue the old pattern of avoidance, we learn the process of "working it through." We experience the power and joy of an open heart, and discover resources we didn't even know we had.

The processes we use are carefully designed specifically for this and include interactive activities such as eating together, talking with each other about our lives, and engaging in discussions, as well as teaching new skills.

Each person, when ready, is supported by the group to delve into their issues, not just intellectually but viscerally, as feelings live inside of us, in our bodies as well as our minds.

In doing so, we rescue ourselves and regain the awareness and life energy that had been stuck in pain and grief. We experience ourselves in a new, freer, more flexible way. We come home to the present moment.

Our retreats accomplish all this in 3-5 days. Some people have in their heads that their grief pain is so deep that they need much longer. We've written a page on this site just about that.

Participants feel new strength, new joy, a sense of relief and excitement. We open up. Colors become brighter, more vivid. We come alive again.

Often the change is quite unexpected. We've forgotten, having lived closed down for so long, that we've forgotten what life could be. And then, as we remember again, we wake up to life again. 

If you would like to learn more, you can set up a phone interview with us, using the form below. Please also look at some of the pages below that talk about our retreats in more depth. We've been leading intensive retreats to heal grief pain for over 25 years.

Go From Grief Pain Page To Handling Grief

Go To Grief and Loss Retreat

Go To Grief Stricken Page

Go To Awakenment Wellness Home

Go To Long Distance Grief Counseling Page

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