Ten Reasons
Not To Attend Our Emotional Healing Retreats

People contact me because they are going through a rough patch: grief, loss, anger, depression, stuck in old patterns. But for every 5 people who do contact us, only 1 attends. Here are 10 reasons people give not to attend our retreats, along with my comments. 

10 Reasons People Give for Not Attending

1. "It won’t work. Nothing else has worked, so why would this?"
I really don’t know if this “will work” for you, but I do know it's helped hundreds of people! Read participant comments here.

In my case, I had already done a lot of work before my first retreat, and I was pretty skeptical it would help, but I got much more benefit than I imagined.

2. "I don’t like groups. Why can’t I just see you privately?"
Many of us are afraid of opening up in groups, of being put on the spot or having to speak publicly. We’ve tried group processes before, and they were "one size fits all" or just weren't that helpful.

This work is best done in a group — private sessions aren't as effective. As an introvert, I prefer one-on-one conversations to group ones, but I found the support and love I received at my first retreat an essential part of my healing.

The power of love in a group setting is hard to deny and often beyond our brain’s ability to understand.

At the start of each retreat, we do activities to help participants relax and feel safer. Participants consistently report feeling more at ease after this early sharing and feeling closer to others. This helps everyone feel included and to be more open to sharing.

3. "It’s too scary."
I’ve had many folks sign up but then get nervous as the retreat date approached. Some anxiety is normal. The work can be outside of our comfort zone…it has to be so we can make real progress!

In my case, I was very nervous about the retreat. In fact, my therapist kept recommending it for over 3 years before I finally relented and went. And the only reason I did it then was because my life was such a mess I knew I had to do something. What a relief the retreat was...It turned out that what I was really afraid of was life, not the retreat!

The retreat began a process I am still engaged in: experiencing the world as safe and as home.

4. "It costs too much."
The retreats do cost money, but compared to many other offerings, they are reasonable, especially since the price includes housing and most meals. People often pay a lot more for short vacations.  Plus, tuition assistance is available for those who need it. 

For me, I got my life back after my first retreat. That was invaluable, worth more than anything. After that first one, I attended again and again, and worked to get the money I needed for them. They were the true gold I needed.

5. "It’s too far away."
Well, it may be, although we had attendees from all over the world. It's relative-I’ve had this complaint from people who live less than 3 hours away as well as from those who live over 3000 miles away! 

6. "It’s too short…I can’t possibly get what I need in just 3-4 days."
This one drives me crazy, because I've seen over and over again how the timing of the retreat is perfect for major healing.  Some folks insist they need at least a week or more because their problems are so complicated or intransient. Our brains often can’t accept that we can do the work in such a short time. Yet I've seen people change their lives in just a few minutes of deep work. When we are in "time out of mind" or Kairos time, amazing changes can happen. "In a twinkling of an eye."

I finally wrote a page called Why Are Our Emotional Healing Retreats Three Days for people who think the retreats are too short or too long.

7. "I don't have the time."
Well, you may never have the time unless you prioritize it. I often hear people comment at the retreats, "Why did I wait so long?"

I personally wish I had attended these retreats many years before I finally came. I could have saved a lot of pain!

8. "My problems are just not that serious; other people have much more to deal with, and in comparison my issues are trivial."
Sometimes people are afraid to come because they feel their problems don’t compare to others' tragedies.

My advice is to stop comparing! Healing the past can only make you more effective in life, so you can live more fully in the moment and be a richer, brighter source of comfort and support to others.

9.  "My issue is too big, too much, I'll overwhelm everyone."
Well, it sounds to me that when someone says this, they are overwhelmed and need help. This is something to talk about in the phone interview. Some people may need to work with a psychotherapist first, or instead. Participants generally need to be relatively high functioning to get the most out of the retreat.  But sometimes, as in the case of dealing with a recent loss, people come to the retreats who are stressed, traumatized, and in shock, and their work is just to experience being held and loved--that may be what is needed.

We are all different. Each of us is on a journey, and there is no cookie-cutter formula for what you need now. Your work at the retreat will be unique. Most people I talk to are ready for this work. And know that at the retreats, people are never forced to do anything...you are always in charge. We will, however, encourage you to "go for it."
 
10. "I'm too old, too young, too smart, too dumb, too frail, etc."
Let's talk about it. This work is not for everybody. People come from age 21 up. (I usually refer younger folks to a special young adult retreat.) Men and women, all orientations are welcome. We have no specific religious affiliation, but we welcome spirituality. 

Star Dance Ranch is not fancy...it's an old farmhouse, warm and friendly. And if you attend, you will meet a bunch of loving, friendly people who you will get close to. 

Go ahead and set up a call to ask questions and learn more about our work.

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