Healing Your Loneliness

By Jon Terrell, M.A.

Do you experience loneliness? Do you feel isolated, sad, alone? You may feel this way due to different life circumstances, such as a personal loss, but if you have felt this way for as long as you can remember it is a lifetime pattern. Either way, our work can help.

If you have had a recent painful personal loss you may want to go to our main grief page and find the information you need, or go directly to our Grief Retreat Page.

We all experience loneliness at times. But if you are stuck in it, it may be time to do your personal work to emerge from it. 

Many people find that they particularly feel isolated and alone when they are are misunderstood or rejected.

Surprisingly healing loneliness is (at least at first) less a process of connecting with others than it is a process of reconnecting with lost parts of ourselves…parts we abandoned in childhood. 

It may be time to reclaim your full self.

Childhood Rejection Leads To Personal Rejection

We come into this world with a lot of raw energy and aliveness. But we are also extremely vulnerable. We are dependent on our parents to feed us, keep us warm and safe, and meet our other basic needs. 

But very soon we learn what parts of us are acceptable and what parts aren’t. And because our survival is in the hands of our parents, we quickly learn to reject those parts of ourselves as well. We learn the norms of our family, we internalize those patterns for much of our lives.

If we are too noisy or big for our parents we may learn to swallow our bigness and tense up

If we express too much anger or fear or grief we will learn to reject those feelings in ourselves, cutting ourselves off from our aliveness.

In this way we build a prison of isolation around ourselves…actually inside of ourselves. We reject our own feelings, often convincing ourselves we don’t have them.  We may even be proud of the fact that we don’t get angry or sad or afraid, not realizing that we’ve actually cut ourselves off from the power and life force of these vital feelings.

Vital Feelings

Our core feelings are essential to who we are and to our survival. Each of them offers us an invaluable gift of aliveness.

Grief is the gateway to joy, anger to connecting with others and to our passion, fear to our excitement. (There is much more about each of these feelings and their gifts in this website.)

Healing Our Pain

Freeing ourselves from loneliness that has occurred for a long time is a process of reconnecting with ourselves and with the parts of ourselves that we’ve rejected. It is these parts of us that feel lonely, isolated, alone. We need to rescue them.

We focus on the rejected feelings because that is where our power and life force is. We are usually aware of the thoughts…”I’m lonely”  and perhaps some feelings of sadness. But if we stay at the level of thoughts we won’t be able to claim the submerged parts of ourselves, the deep feelings that are submerged. 

Writers have spoken of this process in different ways,  as inner child work or inner bonding, for example. There are a variety of ways to do this work, although it can be very very helpful to have a guide. The right kind of psychotherapy can be useful, such as depth psychotherapy and some of the newer processes such as EMDR.

The intensive, deep emotional healing retreats we offer are an accelerated approach to healing emotional pain.

Retreats For Loneliness

Go To Grief, Loss And Difficult Emotions Retreats

Go To Healing The Old Story Retreat (Shalom Retreat)

And For More Information:

Go To Grief Page

Go To Understanding Emotions Page

Go To Home Page

Jon Terrell, M.A., offers retreats in western Massachusetts, California and upstate New York. He has an office in downtown Manhattan and Northampton, MA. For more information, or if you have a question, contact him using the form below.

Contact Jon

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